Posted 3/18/2016 3:27 PM (GMT 0)
The title says it all: my own mother makes me want to die.
I know how this sounds. I know how it seems like I'm over-exaggerating. I've heard it all before, but I just need someone to hear me out. Enough is enough.
To begin with, I know that she loves me, and I understand that she wants the best for me. Of course, what kind of mother would hate her very own child? But at the same time, she cannot for the love of God try to view things from my perspective. She believes her opinions are fact. She wants me to become the child of her dreams. She wants me to be perfect.
What else can I say? It's not like I'm not trying. It's not like I'm purposely trying to **** up. It's not my fault I am who I am, is it? Because for all I know, she thinks otherwise. She keeps putting me in positions that causes me to feel not only uncomfortable, but useless, worthless, and like absolute crap. I don't even know if she realizes this or not, but I'm at the point where I feel like there's no absolute reason at all for me to live on whatsoever.
If you're going to advise me to talk to her, then I'll straight-up tell you that that method doesn't work. I'm sorry I sound like an ass, but whenever I try to tell her, she never ****ing listens and instead, shoves yet another issue down my throat, telling me that, once again, it is not anybody's fault but mine. What can I do? I've tried absolutely everything, but I'm just a **** up who can't seem to do anything right.
Yet, she has the time to vent to this ****-up about her own problems and issues that happened to her decades ago that she just can't let go. Things that happened twenty years ago, she'll bring up, fueling her anger. Things she can't take nor bottle, I have to listen and take in. It is truly unfair!
However, I have - or, had - no problem with that, despite how inequitable I'd felt it had been. I felt upset about that always, yes, but had never thought it was deserving of an online post or a mini-rant or whatever. But today, I think I have concluded that it is about time I remove all that on my chest. Because today, she crossed the line.
Simply, I was requested to take a glass out of the cupboard. She, however, was not being very specific on which she wanted me to retrieve. With that, I'd gotten the glass that I figured suited her vague description well, and as you might've guessed, it was the wrong one. Ain't that surprising, now?
But anyway, she, in fury, threw the glass at me. She ransacked the cupboard, breaking and tossing a handful of items in the process, and when she at last found the one that she'd wanted, threw that as well at my direction. That was not all, though, as she accompanied her actions by calling me worthless, useless, a pig, undeserving - the list goes on. And I'm sick of it. I'm so so sick of her treating me like crap.