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Kind of a trigger post....

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Posted 3/25/2016 12:05 AM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone,

Today has been a day...my anxiety went through the roof and I had a really bad panic episode that carried on over the course of 2-3 hours. All the usual symptoms. Short of breath, heart rate of 124, feeling overall upset.

The trigger part is what scared me. Those of you who have had a three year old may understand. Mine is being awful! I constantly wonder where my sweet boy went. Well he was throwing large toys at furniture and chipping it, screaming and saying he wanted to be a bad boy. My blood was boiling as I was already having a panic episode and suddenly this vision of me slapping him hard across the face flashed through my head. I instantly felt sick to my stomach and got up and went in the bathroom. I sat on the toilet and took some deep breaths to calm down, but now I feel like a horrible sick person who envisioned hurting their sweet baby. I mean this kid....his face....you've never seen anything so adorable. And now I can't kick the anxiety, or the bad feelings like maybe something is happening with my anxiety and my thoughts are getting out of control?

Anyway, I needed to share and see if this has happened to anyone else???
Posted 3/25/2016 12:37 AM (GMT 0)
Hi P.,

Sorry you are having such a rough day. It does sound like everything just rained down on you at once.:(

Having a fleeting thought...especially while stressed. ..does not mean you have any intention of following through with whatever went through your mind.

This was simply your brain processing the thought..."Oh I really don't like this new development! "

...and in fact, since it stopped then and there...and your rational thinking kicked in with..."Oh, I would never do that!" shows healthy thinking patterns.

N.O.R.M.A.L.!! :)

If you can't get the negative feelings about this to go away...try working through them with the therapy worksheets bin our Resources.

Hugs,

S.C.
Posted 3/25/2016 12:42 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks, S.C.

What an awful thought to have ya know? I confided in a couple girlfriends and all were like, oh that is SO normal. I just felt like such a yucky person when I saw it so vividly in my head!
Posted 3/25/2016 12:48 AM (GMT 0)
My first daughter started her terrible twos at about 18 months, and it lasted until she was about 2 and a half. She was a wonderful 3 year old!

So imagine my horror when my youngest turned 3, and seemingly, overnight, embodied the Anti-Christ. (after sailing through the two's, weird.)

They are all different...and will definitely try our last nerve at times. ;)

Here's to a better day tomorrow!

S.C.
Posted 3/25/2016 12:54 AM (GMT 0)
My 3 year old....I can't even....LOL
Posted 3/25/2016 1:21 AM (GMT 0)
ITA with SC. Totally normal! I always joked who ever made up terrible twos had never had a three year old! Hang in there, friend!
Posted 3/25/2016 1:38 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks, Cheri! I couldn't agree more! Everyone I know says 3 is just awful!
Posted 3/25/2016 2:28 AM (GMT 0)
When my eldest daughter was 16 we had a little tift at home one night, you know, "i'm almost 17 and i can do anything i want". Somehow my hand closed about her throat and pushed her against the wall,
her eyes seemed to get very large, lol
Years later she was telling some of her friends about the scaryest thing that ever happened her story was, "i wouldnt keep my mouth shut and listen to my daddy, then the got me by the throat and did i ever listen close". If you have any earthly limits your children will find them for you, Peace

Larry ***
Posted 3/25/2016 2:29 AM (GMT 0)
Thanks for that Larry. We're all human right? It's amazing how children can test us!
Posted 3/25/2016 2:35 AM (GMT 0)
If it helps I have had visions of worse things towards people I love but would never act on them. It was just out of frustration, we get a lot of these images from movies, books, etc. no need to worry
Posted 3/25/2016 2:37 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you, Dog! I really appreciate hearing from all of you. Makes me feel a lot more "normal".
Posted 3/25/2016 8:48 PM (GMT 0)
Totally normal. I really don't know anyone at all who has not thought of slapping their kids across the face. Not only when they are three, but also when they are 17!
Posted 3/25/2016 8:52 PM (GMT 0)
LOL! Thanks medved! I think it just felt so icky because my kid has the face of a little cherub. It's ridiculous and makes me feel guilt when I get mad at him and then look at his little cheeks and dimples!
Posted 3/26/2016 6:09 AM (GMT 0)
Park, my wife had thoughts about hurting our youngest daughter i did not know what was wrong, it turns out that knowing she could even think of such a thing was driving her mad, please don't let a
thought get the better of you, we dont really have control of passing thoughts, Peace

Larry ***
Posted 3/26/2016 11:55 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you, Larry! I have never hurt my son, so I feel similarly to your wife. The fact that I've even had the thoughts has made
Me question what my mental state is life. I don't wanna create a situation for myself that isn't actually real. Hearings this has helped.

It's so hard because people don't talk about the ugly things in life so you always think you're alone.
Posted 3/26/2016 6:19 PM (GMT 0)
My mom said any person that says they've never had a bad thought about their precious baby is lying! It all sources from frustration and feeling out of control! I've seen your sweet boy on FB and that face is to die for but I know how much of a handful kids can be. I used to babysit my niece when she was about 2 and a half and she used to scratch my dogs, pull their tails, throw food at the white furniture. There were moments where I even felt that way and I love that little girl more than life (now 7 years old). They grow out of it. I studied child development. This is just how they act. And this is just how parents can feel. It's all normal.

You are certainly not alone
XO
Posted 3/26/2016 6:32 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks, Mama! I can't tell all of you how much it means that you've made me feel "normal"!!! I'm sure I'm for more sensitive to these thoughts as the hormones are doing whatever they do and I'm about a month away from having a new baby in my house! That stress, plus learning that this little guy is breech and I may need surgery, is just so overwhelming!
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