anxiety is hitting me so hard

hey guys, I really need help. I have been having bad mental health for a long wile and its getting worse. I was up panicking all night scared of dying randomly. I got a few hours of sleep by the morning and my body is calm, but my mind is so scared. when I am calm its a rare thing, and it makes me think of the worst, like dying. I have had a basic blood test, and cat scan of the neck and head, and a physical, and I am fine but I swear something is up, because I feel awful and so weird. nothing feels real, and I feel like I am floating. I am trying to get mental help and its taking time, and I have been in mental crisis, I have had to call the suicide hotline and I have been super afraid of being alone because I am scared of death so bad recently. I dont know what to do anymore, I cant live my life and its an awful. sometimes I feel like this isnt worth it, and its way to scary :(

Kitten, I went through this for several years after I returned home from VN, don't make sense i know
because no one here was trying to kill me, but i did have enough real danger and close calls while in
the military that it was hard to separate the fear from the reality, actually the fear was worse than
actual combat.
I was miserable until one day i had this thought, i am one day going to die, but what i am doing is
dying every day, i'm not even alive i'm in a dark hole scared all day and night. Slowly i made up my
mind that i was going to live as much and as long as i could, be as good as possible and cause no
harm, You also can do this, actually you must, try to distract yourself with something like Mindfulness
you need a repetitious thing that you can do that will lock your mind on it instead of the fear. Fear only has the power we allow, you can deny that power and totally stomp fear into the ground, we are
all here, we will walk with you on this escape to "Life". Peace, Larry ***