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Posted 5/14/2016 5:43 AM (GMT 0)
I have been here on healingwell for 3 years. It doesnt seem that long. I found this site because of anxiety and panic. I also go to the depression fourms too. I am so tured of constant anxiety at any turn it wants to pop its head up. I have noticed that when my son is not with me my anxiety doesnt bother me. I have no clue why that is. I feel bad because I want to feel that way all of the time. I am not sure what to do. Life is so hard right now. U am suing my sons School and trying to keep his mental health on par and i completely lost control of mine. I went 4 days without any sleep! I had 4 panic attacks and so much anxiety in just a few hours span that i was forced to go back on my sleeping pills. Now the body is super mad at me for the damage and it is talking back. Ugh! I am not sure I was cut out to be a mom anymore.
Posted 5/14/2016 6:07 AM (GMT 0)
Babe, you are just tired and when exhausted plus the panic, anxiety and depression we get down on
ourselves. You are a good woman and Mother just because you don't have the power to heal your
son does not in any way make you defective. You are going to get past this ok, Peace

Larry ***
Posted 5/14/2016 4:41 PM (GMT 0)
SFGB

Happy three year-anniversary...while I am not celebrating the reason we are all here...I am glad that we do have each other...and you are an important member of our community!

I am sorry to hear of this rough time you are going through currently. It is hard to be an advocate for someone, when you yourself are struggling!

Continue to do all you can to take care of yourself, both physically and mentally....

...I heard an apt saying the other day:

"Nothing can be poured from an empty cup."

...but isn't that what we try and do as moms all the time?

Practice your coping skills to manage your anxiety...and keep coming here for support and encouragement. We will be here to understand and cheer you on, friend!

S.C.
Posted 5/14/2016 5:17 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you Larry and S.C

I feel so bad because I try to stop my son from going through what I did and it seems my effort's are just for not. I am just really not sure that I am what is best for him. Please don't get me wrong I will battle the devil for him, but maybe my demons are too much for me to handle while I try my hardest to fight his off as well. I like who I am when he is not here and I despise myself when he here because I am so angry and just broken down. I don't know why I feel this way. It breaks my heart. I feel horrible, but I am not good for him and my gut tells me that. I only cause him pain and I hate that. I feel so helpless.
Posted 5/14/2016 5:32 PM (GMT 0)
SFGB,

Do you have a family counselor? When I was going through some rough times with my oldest daughter...

...finding a co-advocate through an adolescent therapist...who also worked with me and my husband (her step-dad)...was my saving grace.

Is this something you can look into?

...or maybe a doctor, pastor...or even a family friend...who you can simply confide your feelings with...so that they can offer some resources...or simply comfort?

I can see your feelings about this are tearing you up. Getting this out and honestly sharing your feelings will help.

We are here to listen anytime...but do look for a support system close to home as well!

With encouragement,

S.C.
Posted 5/14/2016 9:28 PM (GMT 0)
S.C
My son and I do see a counselor. I cant express these feelings to my family because they just dismiss them and I dont have anyone I trust as far as friends go. I am an awesome family and my friends are awesome also, but not with this. I am so lost and angry and scared. I will go on like always. No one in my life thinks I am just anxious or stressed but it is more than that. I am so broken right now.
Posted 5/15/2016 12:22 AM (GMT 0)
Got it...

...well keep talking with your counselor, and us.

This is surely a difficult time...but it will pass. You are strong for standing up to fight for your son!

Keep using your coping skills to manage the anxiety...and have faith that easier times are coming.

S.C.
Posted 5/15/2016 1:08 AM (GMT 0)
To be honest

I dont want to do this anymore, I am still a baby at anxiety and panic and I want to throw in the towel. 3 years and I dont feel like I have gotten any better. I would never wish this on anyone. Ever.
Posted 5/15/2016 3:05 AM (GMT 0)
SFGB,

I know...it is so hard to keep hopeful at times...

...but take it from someone who has been there. It will get better. Keep working for your recovery.

If you give up, you'll delay (or not know) the joy of recovering/feeling good again. It is worth the effort, trust me.:)

S.C.
Posted 5/15/2016 5:07 AM (GMT 0)
Babe, many times i have witnessed these brick walls what i think it is, is your subconscious mind realizing that you have just about broke through to where you want to be, it's fighting you with all it's got, but just believe this it has its limits and i think you have come close to a break through, Peace

Larry ***
Posted 5/15/2016 6:08 AM (GMT 0)
the turtle sends sword and shield, and the HW army brings up the rear, I am at the front summoning the battle cry.
Posted 5/16/2016 8:12 AM (GMT 0)
Thank you all so much,

I am feeling better today. My fight and drive are renewed. I am so blessed to have you all fighting with me. I love y'all. Thank you
Posted 5/16/2016 5:47 PM (GMT 0)
Babe, this is your Army, people like The Turtle, Sc, myself not so tough alone but when we pull together
nothing can beat US. "You are a part of US kid", Peace

Larry ***
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