Mom Is At It Again

Hi HW Fam,

If you read my last post, you'd know my mom said something hurtful re: my weight last week. We had moved on from that, as she sort of apologized via text message saying "sorry I was grumpy," when really she insinuated that I needed to lose weight. Anyway, I let it go.

Now, she's at it again. I rent my mom's house from her, with my girlfriend. The house is a 4 bed/ 3 bath home and too roomey for two people that only really go in three rooms-- our bedroom, kitchen, and bathroom. Our A/C unit (very old and surely not environmentally friendly) only cools the back half of the house, so when we run it, to cool only our bedroom, it's expensive. LA is starting to heat up and the sun hits our bedroom directly. My mom doesn't want to get our AC fixed, and also limits the amount of time we can put it on. I asked her if she wanted me to buy a few window units so we can avoid the cost of running the old thing. She said no. But I realized that I wanted to buy a small one for our bedroom so we could stop running the AC to just cater to our bedroom. I ordered it via amazon and it got delivered the other day.

I went out to dinner with my cousin and girlfriend and almost immediately got a slew of text messages stating things like: "You went ahead and bought the window unit anyway. I'm so disappointed. It's just saying **** y** to your mom when you don't listen. When you are on your own you can do whatever you want. I'm furious. What is the matter with you and the way you're thinking? Don't even bother to talk to me. You don't respect me or my house or how hard I work."

I literally sat there flabbergasted and confused. 1) How is it disrespectful to a home to find a solution that's inexpensive? 2)How do I not respect how hard my mother works? I bought the unit with my own money. 3) I pay a substantial amount of rent for my bedroom and space. 3) I didn't realize buying a portable A/C would render thoughts of fury?

My response was pretty similar to the above in the message that I sent back to her.

I'm having a really hard time dealing with her. Not only with her method of communication (she clearly prefers to argue/ fight via text message which I don't really understand), but her language and overall attitude. I try to leave as little footprint as possible and stay neat and tidy and find my own solutions, but it seems I really can't win no matter what I do.

Aiming to move out of her house by August.

Just needed to vent.

:( :( :(

Blu's and Rrakkma,

Your posts make me so sad. I treasure my relationship with both my girls so much...and my own momma...

...my hearts aches for you.

Blu's, you mentioned awhile back about moving I thought...

...if you could really stretch the positivity thing (I know, I know)...and maybe consider this the growing pains of that inevitable separation?

We have to have a certain amount of conflict in order to motivate us forward.

Sorry, always trying to look for a bright side. I am not trying to minimalize the pain of the situation in any way!

I am sending (((hugs))) your way for this hard time.

S.C.

S.C. I never thought of cutting ties with my mom, though I mentioned it to her a couple of times because I was so hurt. As I said loving and fighting happen at the same time.

I am always on the positive side myself but it is really hard to deal with her. My dad probably felt the same way all his life. She is not a bad person it's just she is such a control freak she wants everything her way.
She is not rude most of the times, but for her I am always doing things wrong. Nothing is enough for her and she is having hard time being proud of her children. Or maybe she is just not vocal about how she feels.

But I have my own share in this problem sometimes. I mean I am a stubborn goat myself

of course cutting ties sounds like an easy solution but blood is thicker. Our moms we are talking about. There must be a way to deal with their attitude.

So Blu, just a good honest talk may create wonders. Who knows?

Yeah I agree putting a bit distance between mom by at least not involving in house related issues (in Blu's case, living in mom's property) will help her a lot in my opinion.

It's just avoiding situations which will give her a chance to interfere, as much as possible. That's all. <3

B.,

YOU are doing the right thing...and the world would be a more harmonious place if everyone took this approach!

Keep doing the right thing, and take comfort in knowing you are taking the higher ground.

This is not backing down, but rather reaching new heights in personal growth and integrity.:)

S.C.