I fear that I am damaging my kids with my HA

I have pretty severe health anxiety. It comes in waves and I am always jumping from one terrible ailment to the next.

Sometimes it is worrying about my own health.. and other times it is worrying about my boys.

I worry that I am damaging them when I get into this obsession over whatever my most recent fear is.

Last week I was so consumed with the lymph nodes on my son's neck. I truly went in and felt them no less than 20 times everyday. I ended up taking him to the doctor (who told me he is totally fine). It helped some but I still had the urge to feel the nodes to see if they were still mobile, non-firm, etc.

My kids are 10 & 11 - they know that I have anxiety - and they know that I love them and just want to make sure they are healthy - but I know deep down that THIS.IS.NOT.HEALTHY.FOR.THEM.

I don't want them to grow up worrying about whether they're healthy or not - if mom was right all along and maybe something IS wrong.. etc.

I need to stop checking them obsessively (for example when they have a fever..don't check their temperature every 20 minutes) and also asking obsessively how they are feeling. They will let me know if something is wrong. I know this. Why can't I resist the urge to ask/check/seek reassurance?

My insurance has a very high deductible and every therapist I've looked into in my area is between 100-200 per session. I cannot afford that. We just moved back to San Diego over the summer and we literally have zero left over after paying bills/groceries. Huge increase in our COL compared to Texas!

I saw a therapist before we moved and she had given me CBT worksheets. I went on one of the sites listed for CBT therapy in our resources but it got pretty overwhelming.

I think if you can be positive that you can get through this, that it might help you get through it.

"One problem at a time, and be positive about that problem."

As you've already done, maybe tell your children, "Mommies having a hard time. I hope you can bear with me."

Use their strength if you have none. Ask them if you can take their temp in another 20 minutes and let them tell you, "No."

Let them parent you, because they're the strong ones. Give them a chance to use their strength, and they can grow from that.

Try to get interested in something else. An article, a TV show, cleaning inside the house or out.

Use this to show them, that they can help you. I once heard of a group of children whose parents passed away. They didn't want to be scattered in several different directions, so they decided to raise themselves.

The oldest daughter became the mother, and the others pitched in to help so they wouldn't be handed out to different families and never get to see each other again. Nothing happened, they just grew up. What a wonderful story.

One session with my counselor, she wasn't feeling well, so I became the counselor. She curled up in her chair and listened to me tell what I had been doing that week and what I thought about it.

It was great. I got to be the counselor and she became the patient who didn't feel good. We switched roles. I've been to a lot of counseling sessions, but that's about the only one I remember. It was fun.

Switch roles with your kids. Just do the stuff you have to do, like cook, discipline if needed, and let them be in charge of the rest till yourself squared away.

Hi

Sorry to hear you are dealing with health anxiety as it can really take over your life if left untreated. CBT does work well on anxiety have a look at www.moodgym.com which is a free online CBT programme that you can work through at your own pace.

Hibee

I have no words of wisdom for you, as I am just starting my recovery journey with health anxiety, but just thought I'd let you know that you're not alone. I am the exact. same. way.
It's helpful to me when I hear that someone else is dealing with the same challenges as me. So... hi! I'm here, too! And I'm thinking of you today ❤