Posted 2/18/2017 6:18 PM (GMT 0)
A long long long story short.
I have been diagnosed with all 3 of the above for years now - I have had trauma and suffered with panic attacks, low self esteem, depression etc etc ever since. I have always worked, I have always been honest with Employers, my GP and my therapists. I have had CBT, talking therapies, counselling, hypnotherapy, and tried 4 different types of meds and alternative meds and therapies - including someone tapping me? someone squirting me with salt water and shooing the bad vibes away..? Literally I have tried it all!!
I have done everything I have been told to do, spoken to and asked for help from everyone I have been told to - I have had to give up 3 full time jobs and work part time, then had to start full time work again because I am not eligible for any financial help for meds or therapy or to replace any income. I am now back in full time work and struggling as always to stay sane and actually show up! GP and I went through my notes and I have not made ANY progress since 2009.
PIP have turned me down 3 times and actually said in my assessment "I appeared fine and not anxious"
My GP actually said to me the other day "I'm sorry you are in this pickle"
I went to the welfare office to ask ANYONE for ANY support - groups, cheaper therapy, ANYTHING! They told me because I work I can only apply for PIP and all group therapies in the area have lost funding, or are during the day.
The free therapy can only be given to me during my working hours, which I complained about because I cannot just give up work and hope money appears from nowhere to help me pay my bills and rent, he told me I shouldn't be working. GP wants to sign me off sick, even the meds I take say I shouldn't be driving - I do not have a contract that will pay me for being off sick but I am too 'functioning' to be eligible for any help.
8 Years.. I have gotten nowhere. I have an amazing boyfriend but it is killing him to see me like this. I self harm frequently, I lose my actual mind most evenings and completely lose control to the point I have taken myself to A&E.. because, well what else can I do? And I don't even know what to say when I'm there?
My family do not know, I have no friends, my suicidal thoughts are daily and I have not got the first clue where to go or what to do. Please, Please, Please can someone just talk to me and tell me!!
There are so many people that abuse the system that when someone needs the help they are made to feel like a fraud or a scrounger and that is something that I just am not. I need to heal, I have been asked by a professional if I think giving up work will make me worse? Well, I dont know to be honest, worse than what.. wanting to die? Does it get any worse than that? I feel like I am drowning, I cannot breathe..