SO-OCD

Good Morning,

This is my first post. I have always suffered from anxiety issues though never at a clinical level. Recently my problems have escalated though. I believe I am suffering from Sexual Orientation OCD, which is troubling because I have been happily married to a female for two years now. I was already suffering from some form of anxiety when a few weeks ago a friend from college out of no where announced he was coming out of the closet. Ever since this point I have been constantly testing myself and seeking reassurance that I was not somehow subconsciously gay. Something similar to this happened last year but it was no where close to this sever and my issues went away entirely and a month or two, so much so that I recently made jokes about ever having those concerns with my wife. This is truly testing me like nothing else in my life ever has. What terrifies me the most is the only other time I've ever felt anxiety like this was when I had lied to my wife about something, which my brain is now telling me means I must now be lying to her again. We are getting ready to travel overseas on a once and a life time trip and I was hoping someone could enlighten me with some possible coping skills.

Thanks

Steve,

What you just described is exactly how I've felt my entire life. Sure I've noticed good looking guys but my thoughts have always been envious. I've never thought man I would love to wake up next to that guy.

Thanks

Steve,

I completely agree and my wife and I have had numerous conversations exactly like that. However the problem won't go away. I have this intense urge to confess to my wife that I'm gay, even though when I think about it I have no desire to have sex with a man or be anything other than friends with guys.

Hi OCSTN and welcome!

OCD often manifests in worries/fears that have no true bearing on our actual thoughts, feelings or intentions.

Often a person can fear harming a loved one...but would never follow through with what they worry about. This is simply a form of anxiety manifesting itself.

For self help with OCD, see our Resources at the top of the main forum page here. The Therapy Worksheet downloads will also be helpful in redirecting the worrisome thoughts you are having. (both have self explanatory directions)

If you find you need more help, then talking to your doctor about your treatment options for anxiety management would be a beneficial consideration.

Keep posting with us as well if you find it helpful. We understand, care and support is key!

Scaredy Cat

It's just so hard to explain. I was completely a fine a few weeks ago and enjoying life to the fullest and then out of no where I'm torturing myself about something that has rarely ever been more than a fleeting thought

It sounds like maybe an irrational fear or even a phobia? Mixed with obsessional thinking, I have annoying thoughts that are ridiculous and they can be very tricky.

Does she know that you have anxiety problems, is it something you can talk to her about, explain your thoughts but you also have no desire. Just explain for what it is. It is hard and distressing I know. I would talk to a counsellor before your holiday.