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Understanding the root cause (trying, at least)

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Posted 4/16/2017 5:22 AM (GMT 0)
I'm not so much writing this in search of guidance, but am looking for an outlet to think through my latest setback. This forum seems to be a great place for such posts, and for that, I'm grateful. Any thoughts, or suggestions, are certainly welcomed!
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I've been steadily recovering from a bad panic relapse, and had an amazing week. Things were, as some of us say, "back to normal." At least for a little while. Then the national news played a story of a 29 year old NFL player who died from a cerebral aneurysm... It didn't send me into a panic attack, thankfully. But at the mention of a healthy, 29 year old, athlete dying suddenly ... my GAD soared! The story spoke of him lifting weights (which I do), and having a sudden, splitting, headache (of which I have long suffered). This sent me down a health anxiety path different than past weeks. As opposed to worrying about having a condition, I worried about developing one and confusing the symptoms with the migraines I have long suffered. Then, of course, dying. Regardless, the fear I felt was the same.

I've thought a lot about it. What I'm slowly coming to realize is that perhaps my own health anxiety isn't the root cause of my GAD, and panic. The fear of sudden death, in the absence of control, is. My most fearful moments are related to the perception of immediate consequences that I cannot prevent. First it was symptoms of the heart, then blood clots, and now aneurysms.

Fear of sudden death. More directly, a fear of not having control in that moment. That seems to be the root cause of all of my worst anxiety. Car accidents inevitably result in more fatalities per year than plane accidents, but I harbor no fear when driving in a car. Yet, I'm terrified of flying. For the same reason flying in an airplane freaks me out, so does the idea of a cerebral aneurysm. Both bring to mind the idea of dying without the ability to cognitively, or instinctively, act out to survive. It's the flawed idea that I could swerve away from an accident, or make life changes that negate certain diseases, that makes those conditions less frightening to me than flying, or a random aneurysm. I CRAVE control, in all things.

My point?

Knowing this, I feel like I have somewhat of a clearer issue to work on. If I continue to rule out condition by condition to convince myself I'm healthy, I'll never get over my health anxiety for longer than a year, or two, at a time. Such actions only cement the idea that I have control over perceived dangers in life. And there will always be something of concern. I'm not suggesting that I'll stop getting medical tests when needed. But I think that if I work on giving up the idea of control, I may see longer lasting results. This, of course, isn't an easy thing. But the idea does give me something to work on/consider.

Some things in life are out of our control. And that's okay. If only I could both consciously, and subconsciously, believe this!

Post Edited (TICHWA) : 4/16/2017 12:24:29 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/16/2017 2:10 PM (GMT 0)
Hi TICHWA,

Great job on working towards finding answers, and reaching your goals! I do think searching out root cause(s) is helpful.

Here is something I wrote to another memeber yesterday, that may be helpful to you:

Try to stay away from the ''Magical Thinking' trap!

Simply because we read something about someone else's experience...it has no impact on our own!

If you had read about this person winning the lottery...would you assume you were next, quit your job, and go on a spending spree? Of course not!

...but our anxiety makes us fear the negative stuff will somehow happen to us...just through the power of suggestion.

Use your reassuring mantras to keep your thinking rational and positive.😊


Keep up the great work, and you'll get back ti that good place you were recently!

S.C.
Posted 4/16/2017 5:41 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks S.C., I appreciate the encouragement!

Edit: and I love the lottery analogy. It's funny how the anxious mind never assumes such a positive will certainly occur, all the while assuming, over and over, that so many negatives certainly will.

Post Edited (TICHWA) : 4/16/2017 11:55:08 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/16/2017 6:16 PM (GMT 0)
The title of your post is:

"Understanding the root cause (trying, at least)"

And, "I've thought a lot about it. What I'm slowly coming to realize is that perhaps my own health anxiety isn't the root cause of my GAD, and panic. The fear of sudden death, in the absence of control, is"

1. Also a root cause of our problems might be in our ancestors. In my case, I was talking to a lay counselor on the phone one time about my emotional problems, and he said, "I knew your uncle (my mother's brother), and he had manic-depression, and you probably do, too."

That was probably the first inkling of what I had, or the first time I knew for sure that's what I had.

I came to realize that my mother's mother, who had emotional problems, would have had manic depression , also, and that would be where I got my illness.

The know that helps in the diagnosis, the treatment and the understanding that I did not develop this on my own, I am not the cause of this, this is not my fault. So it brings a certain amount of relief.

So, you might want to take a look at your ancestors, also. Do either of your parents have emotional problems. In my case, my mother did not have bipolar, but her mother did. So traits can skip a generation, in that, your parents may be OK, so you might not have a clue where this came from.

But maybe you should ask your parents, if their parents had emotional problems.

I would think that could be a root cause right there.

I developed a concern about death after my father died. My doctor said, "Dying is the easiest thing you'll ever do."
Posted 4/16/2017 7:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Tim Tam,

You've offered some interesting insights. My mother, and grandmother (her mother) were both very anxious people. So I've always considered that to be a hereditary cause, or enhancement, of my anxiety.

The point you made about a concern with death after your father died is very relevant to my life. My most recent bout came only a few months after one of my parents was diagnosed with a terminal illness, ALS. Seeing that parent suffer, and waiting for their inevitable death, has certainly driven my inner dialogue - and fear of - a death without any control of the circumstance.

Your doctor's quote is perfect!

I do think, deep down, that it's the idea of lacking control that gets me most, though. I cling to control. I fear not having it. The car/plane analogy helps me to understand this. I'm more likely to die in a car, but am more scared of flying in a plane. In the car, even with greater risk, I'm in control. In the plane, though the risk is minimal, I'm not.

Thanks for your input!
Posted 4/16/2017 8:22 PM (GMT 0)
I think control might be part of your anxiety. I don't think it's a separate unit.

You say: "I've thought a lot about it. What I'm slowly coming to realize is that perhaps my own health anxiety isn't the root cause of my GAD, and panic. The fear of sudden death, in the absence of control, is. My most fearful moments are related to the perception of immediate consequences that I cannot prevent. First it was symptoms of the heart, then blood clots, and now aneurysms."

You say, "I've thought a lot about it. What I'm slowly coming to realize is that perhaps my own health anxiety isn't the root cause of my GAD, and panic. The fear of sudden death, in the absence of control, is."

With GAD being "Generalized Anxiety Disorder."

I don't think (as you also said) that your health anxiety is the root cause of your GAD and panic. I also don't think your health anxiety is caused by the fear of death, or by the absence of control.

I think absence of control is not the cause of your anxiety. I think the absence of control is the result of your anxiety, not the cause of it.

I think if you could get your anxiety under control, your concern for control and worry over dying would reduce.

I think one way to do that is through medication. You mention you have panic attacks. I think medication could help that, also.

You say your mother and her mother are anxious people. Do either of them take medicine for that? Did either of those two have panic attacks?

You also say, "More directly, a fear of not having control in that moment. That seems to be the root cause of all of my worst anxiety"

and "But I think that if I work on giving up the idea of control, I may see longer lasting results. This, of course, isn't an easy thing. But the idea does give me something to work on/consider."

I think you're like me in that we think we can talk our way out of a problem. I have the feeling that if I feel like I'm going to die, I can talk my way out of that. Beg for more time.

Also in conversation, I like to control the conversation. I like to be the one who does the talking, cause I don't do regular conversation real good, where one person talks, and then the other person responds. I don't do my part of that very good.

My nervous dad was the same way. In conversations with us kids, he would do basically all the talking, a monologue. So that's where I got that from, and some of my anxiety.

I think you don't want to take meds. I probably didn't either for a long time.

As a bipolar, I take Lithium. and Mirtazapine anti-depressant. Now as a senior citizen, who has taken meds over 40 years, I at 30 probably didn't want to think about taking that, either.

One time out of not knowing what to do, I had a nervous breakdown, and had 2 more years later, maybe balking about taking meds, and/or about being miss-diagnosed, or something.

I think if you calm down your inherited, physical and mental anxiety, these other problems will reduce, also.

These are all my opinions.
Posted 4/16/2017 9:12 PM (GMT 0)
Your opinions are welcomed and appreciated Tim Tam,

I enjoy the thoughts I post here being challenged in such an honest, non-judgmental, way that gets me to think, and reconsider.

Perhaps the wish for control does relate first to the inherited physical, and mental anxiety. It would seem that genetically inherited anxiety would come before the fear of lacking control/death ever did. Though, as I think you suggested, I'm coming to realize that perhaps the two aren't at all separate. But, rather, the fear of lacking control could simply be a byproduct/part of the inherited anxiety it's self.

A little background on me: after my first bout with GAD, Panic, and developing reclusive/agoraphobic tendencies, I did go on meds (Lorazepam, and Sertraline) for a year, and a few months. During that time I went to CBT therapy, worked on stress reduction, and was able to slowly ween off the meds. The past few years were great, and I was highly functional, with little anxiety. Only in the recent months, due to a variety of life changing factors, have I experienced a couple weeks of panic attacks. The panic attacks have thankfully subsided since resuming the stress reduction methods (mostly yoga, meditation) that I had stupidly ceased a couple years ago.

I am doing much better now, but have had minor situational anxiety (nervousness when flying, nervousness when hearing that story on the news, etc.) that lead to this post, and my introspection.

Re-reading my posts, and your responses, leads me to believe that while such introspection is useful, what matters most is the need to healthily control the anxiety. And in that light, I'll continue to do so!

Post Edited (TICHWA) : 4/16/2017 3:16:18 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/16/2017 11:27 PM (GMT 0)
I do want to reemphasize, that I only went on meds after having had an event, in this case, a nervous breakdown.

I enjoyed my time off meds before that event. But after that, taking meds looked great to me, for it meant I had a second chance at life. Again, like you, after I got stronger, I was able to go off the meds for some years. So that was my first choice.

But as I got older, it probably became apparent I needed to stay on the meds, or be depressed for years. So at that point (40-43?) I wasn't fighting taking meds.

So I don't know which group you're in. Maybe 25-30-35? But you did mention GAD, health anxiety, panic relapse, so I'm thinking, she needs some help, like maybe medicine.

I was not thinking of the years, 25, 35, 40, when I would have severe emotional problems, go on meds for a time, then, once over the event, go off meds in the right way working with my psychiatrist. That's been so long ago, I really wasn't recalling that.

But then again, at some age, 40? Being depressed, I got on anti-depressants and didn't get off of them, for, apparently, age can have a lot to do with this. In that, maybe you can bounce back at 25, 35 and 40, but not so easily after that.

But the thought of you with all of that anxiety you said you were having, but with no help, like medicine, was kind of unnerving to hear about it.

I think you're on the right road.

One thing that has helped me is to be positive that I can solve problems, including mental health ones. That I improve my chances of solving a problem if I think going into that, that I can.

Or, "One problem at a time, and be positive about that problem."

You say, "I am doing much better now"

Now, that's pretty positive.
Posted 4/17/2017 7:38 AM (GMT 0)
I have read over and over and over most people that have an anxiety issue tend to also have control issues as well. Letting yourself "go with the flow" is hard but I honestly believe that this will take more anxiety from this world than any medication ever could.

I have been trying myself to let go more often, my saying is this

The world ran before me and it will run after me.
Posted 4/18/2017 10:47 PM (GMT 0)
Just wanna give you a thumbs up for trying to get to the "root cause." Sounds like you're on the right path to getting to the real issues. And when you do, it's possible to heal. And that's HUGEsmile
Posted 4/18/2017 11:44 PM (GMT 0)
Many thanks,

Things certainly appear to have moved, and be moving, in the right direction.
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