Posted 5/19/2017 5:56 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Hw Family,
I mainly just need to vent about an experience from last night had with my mom's boyfriend. This is long, so please don't feel the need to read it all if you don't want to or don't have time.
What was meant to be a celebration of her (mom's) birthday very quickly turned into a podium for her boyfriend to insult my partner, insult a family member, and show his arrogance. I came home and had a complete breakdown about how the night unfolded and tried my best to sit there and not just lose it.
My gorgeous, selfless and generous mom turned 55 yesterday. All she wanted for her birthday was to have a small gathering at her new house (which is his house- she moved in with him), have burgers from her favorite joint, root beer floats, and her favorite pie. My mom is so incredibly low maintenance, never asks for anything, and never expects anything, so I wanted to give her exactly what she wanted for her day.
I should preface this by saying her boyfriend took her on a very luxurious vacation to Cabo San Lucas just last week as a pre-celebration so I feel that maybe he felt he could kick his feet up and act like a complete a** because of this.
The second we walk in he comments on how great I look now that I've been working out. He turns to my partner, who visibly weights more than I do and has struggled with her weight, and said "Uh, you need to keep working on it." Although he meant it as a joke, it hurt her deeply, and in turn, hurt me. Weight is a sore spot for her as she's been across the spectrum at many different pounds, and to have a 61 year old man point it out really wasn't the best thing.
We then turn to talk about my cousin, who is having an extremely difficult pregnancy and was just diagnosed with preeclampsia and may have to be induced at 33 weeks. She's not married although still with her baby's father, and has done things 'backwards' by society's standards. In response to all of her medical problems in addition to having a baby out of wedlock says: "Well, she shouldn't have gotten pregnant then." That hurt my heart more than I can say. My cousin is one of my closest, and dearest friends and to hear him say that about family made me even more upset. We all kind of just sat there shocked before his son said "You said that to the wrong table," and he laughed it off as a joke. He's also made comments in the past about my family (the majority of them financially struggle, are not college educated, and live a very simple, salt of the earth life) proving his arrogance even more as he grew up upper class in Bel Air. He goes against everything we, as a family, stand for. I don't understand my mother's desire to stay with him.
He then brings up politics. A huge no-no that I've repeatedly asked him not to talk about when we're around. Without getting too personal in it, my family (mom's boyfriend included) stays far on one side, while my partner's family, who live in the south, stay on the very opposite spectrum. He began to berate our current president, and then turns to my partner and in a mocking, baby voice, says "Oh no, Rollo would be so sad," in regards to a possible impeachment. Not only did he mis pronounce his name (my partner and I have been together 3 years, and he's been around the same amount of time and has spent time with my partners family), but he was purposely pushing a button that didn't need to be pushed.
He used the entire night to talk about himself and his adventures to Peru with his son. Never once asked my mom how her day went, if her office celebrated her birthday, what she's learned in her 55 years of life, or anything. She was entirely ignored the entire night besides me leaning across the table to chat with her but being interrupted every five seconds by them loudly talking, or wanting to share another story. He demanded my mom make him chocolate chip banana bread that night as well as clean her office in their home. I was on the verge of opening my mouth before my partner stepped in despite feeling emotionally wounded herself, and escorted me to the car before I could really get going.
I spoke to my mom this morning and calmly relayed my view on last night and what not, and while she understands, I know she won't do anything about it. It gives me such great anxiety, panic, and sadness to know that she is in a relationship with this type of person, who, like I said, goes against every single grain of what she was raised with, and what I've been raised with. I love my mother dearly and want to spend as much time with her as possible but feel like every time I see her, it either revolves around him, getting home to be with him, or having him weasel himself into our time some how wether it be in person, via text, phone call, etc.
I am just so, so upset.