UNWANTED SELF HARMING THOUGHTS & ANXIETY

Dear Friends,

Sorry if i am triggering this subject again, apart if it was already mentioned somewhere in this forum. Thought of sharing my own track of thoughts.

Yes ! its been years i have been struggling with relationships and career issues. I would feel upset but would get over with things as and when i could find a new source of diversion. All would be past then. But any stressful situation would re-surface all that i couldn't let go but was laying deep in my sub-conscious. Yet life was fine, who doesn't feel that way. Not that this is the first OCD(have had Numerous including being Hypochondriac) i am going through, but this being the matter of life and death has scared the crap out of me. "A little Flash Back" : Obviously i left my job and decided to start on my own(Jan 2017 onwards). I am married and have one child, but my parents are not much of moral support in this regards. Things became stressful because it did not initiate as expected. One day i was just going through the article of celebrities who committed suicide due to certain reasons and all was okay. A few days later i had a stressful situation in the morning and surprisingly in my mind popped up this suicide thing. i went nuts. For few days, i was in utmost anxiety and panic and my body felt heavy as if it would lose control and may end up doing something. I hated going to high rises, passing through the bridges, or anything that would be prominent at that point of time. This was something disastrous, as i had never ever or would ever thought of it in my life in any situation. Man, whatever crap i am in to, i love my life and am hopeful that things will turn great one day. I handled if fine for few months, until it recently started to screw me up. I met my DOC, who has put me on Rivotril 0.5 Mg Night and Morning Setraline 25 Mg. I am soon planning to visit a psychologist, who apart from this OCD can help me over come my other fears and mental blockages. But can someone here help me, what crap is this ? and Why does it happen ? Any guidance to get out of it other than medication ??? Do you think i am suicidal ?

*edit as per the rules. Please use self harm, in place of the 'S' word, as it can be a trigger to some.

Post Edited By Moderator (Scaredy Cat) : 5/24/2017 9:35:30 AM (GMT-6)

Thanks Hibee.

Thanks for your support.

But i dont feel suicidal at all. I DO NOT WISH TO DIE.

Also i have gone through other forums on internet, i have never ever thought of contemplating it. As far as i can conclude, its more of OCD. My brain is dragging me in to this crap. More under stress. But i am trying to cope up myself other than medication and doctors. Because, ultimately it is me who will have to take the stand to get over with it.

Best Regards.

Thank You Scaredy Cat.

You just did right by changing the Subject. I wrote that at the first place, but thought shall share the exact verbatim. May be someone could guide me better on that. Anyways, receiving response from you all is like a boon. We always find it difficult sharing it with people who do not understand or have never gone through it. Or even if they would have had, dont know its OCD. Lucky to have you all and especially to know that i am not alone. Initially i was a bit hesitant to write up here but I will keep up with this forum from time to time, till i am out of this crap and even after i am through, to help other fight this nuisance. LIFE IS AMAZING. SO ARE MANY PEOPLE, BY THE GRACE OF GOD. The fine part of the medication is, its not letting me panic, LOL. My body doesnt feel restless any more. Though the thoughts are running at the back of mind, i am trying to find more sensible ways to nip this from the bud. Coz the worst is, dedication to work is little difficult. Calculative tasks can be done, but thinking process during work gets disturbed because the mind is not absolutely free(ofcourse of them).

AM ALSO GOING TO START WITH MEDITATION. ITS GOING TO BE DIFFICULT, BUT AS EVERY ONE SAID, IT I WILL HELP SLOW DOWN THE GUSH OF THOUGHTS, MAY BE ANY.

THANKS A TONNE. GOD BLESS.

Dear Friends,

The forums have been of great help and guidance for me in the hard times. And i owe much to you all, who made it a point to come up and share their problems and ideas about their ongoing issues. Howsoever, i feel i am lucky enough to have had a break through, with my OCD and i bless you all find a way out of it soon.

Those who are strictly on medicines and those who yet couldn't find medication of much help. Please give Hypno-Therapy a try or chance. I just can't explain how it made me realize the reasons behind few of my Pure "O(s)", Including the one i mentioned here. I was half relieved post my first session and post second session i can literally make an effort to ignore my obsessions. I am strongly hopeful that things will be great soon. Another beautiful thing is, i have started meditating. It has made things more workable. Though i will take a break from such media for now. I will

ALIGN SPIRITUALLY. LIFE WILL BE IN MUCH BETTER STATE.
BE AT EASE, BE IN PEACE. CHEERS.

Read Imp of the Mind and other books by Lee Baer. This is way more common then you think, this happens to me when under prolonged stress, but you can learn a lot of self help. Feel for you, it is SO scary when you're in the thick of it. As a child of the 80s, I was bombarded with the big suicide prevention push in media and school etc. and I latched onto that (and nuclear war) as two of my biggie panic inducers. Both scared the crap out of me and any mention or reference to either made me jello. Thankfully I am much better with it now. Be well!