Here We Go Again

I've been feeling really good for the last several days. Actually close to my old self. I had to go on the business trip Monday which went very well. I came back on the train by myself which was my first train ride....for 2 1/2 hours. It was very nice and relaxing. This morning, my boyfriend and I got up for work and did our normal routines.
As I was driving to work, I started feeling a little weird and knew exactly why. I picked up the speed to get off the highway as I was almost to work. By the time I got in the door and to my desk, I was in a full blown anxiety attack. I did my breathing and texted my son. We're each other's go to when these hit. I was lightheaded, sweating, shaky, had palpitations, dry mouth, and my entire body felt like it was vibrating. It subsided after about 10 - 15 minutes. Now I'm still feeling some vibration and really sleepy.
Even though I don't let it freak me out, I absolutely HATE feeling like this. My birthday is on Monday and I don't even want to plan anything because I feel like this. My boyfriend asked me last night what I would like and wanted to do. We tossed a few ideas around but now I'm not even looking forward to it. Feeling in the dumps and so tired right now....

I am just really down because I’ve been feeling so much better this last several days and went out of town and to our co- workers retirement party, played games, rode on the train back home, then this comes back out of nowhere. My stomach is growling and I want to eat but at the same thinking of food makes me 🤢. That makes no sense. Had a big bowl of plain spaghetti noodles for dinner last night. Wasn’t sure it was going to stay down but it did. Took some Pepto and went to bed. Supposed to start prep for colonoscopy a week from tomorrow. No way I’ll keep that crap down if I still feel like this 🤮

I think it is normal to have relapses so to speak with this whole thing. And to feel bummed out when you make progress, and go back a bit. I have had this happen as well and know exactly how you feel. Don't cancel plans for your birthday, that is just giving the anxiety more power over you. For me the continuous exposure to things that were making me anxious helped....to show me that nothing bad happens when doing those things. I still have some anxiety, but more of a secondary thing that being front and center. Anxiety can come with me when I go out, but not be the center of attention. Try to recall the small victories that you mentioned.....when you were anxiety free. That tells you that you are capable of getting through this!