Do you ever feel sorry for yourself?

I am having a bad day. It hurts to breathe, I ache, I feel fear for no real reason.

So, I'm feeling sorry for myself. I will go tuck into bed and watch tv and just feel sorry for myself.

In a good way it calms me down.

Tela,

I think what you are describing is self care, not feeling sorry for yourself! Sometimes we need a day in bed, and to let our to-do list go for a period of time. There is nothing wrong with this, and is actually beneficial when done in moderation.

So take the time that you need to recharge and feel better. Use some of your downtime to practice your coping skills, and you will no doubt be ready to get back to your regular routine soon!

With support and understanding,

S.C.

You say, “So, I'm feeling sorry for myself. I will go tuck into bed and watch tv and just feel sorry for myself.”

I was in an Al-Anon meeting one time for friends and relatives of alcoholics.

When it came my time to talk in the group meeting, I listed my troubles. All of them.

When I finally finished, the woman sitting beside me who had suffered through all of that, looked up and said, “Oh, you were having a Pity Party. We’ve all done that.”

Well, you know, there’s embarrassed, and then there’s embarrassed to tears in front of a group of people. I was in that latter one.
She was telling me to grow up, in front of others.

From that point on, whenever I tried to feel sorry for myself, I would see that woman’s face, and I would hear her voice, and my Pity Party wouldn’t work. Since then I have never felt sorry for myself.

In my case, I was taught by my mother, who had experienced trauma, that I was pathetic and she was going to make me that.

Were you taught this in childhood?

Hi Tela44,
I was reading your last post and I was thinking that as a child I also felt pretty normal. Taking to my therapist, I see now how much pressure I had a child. My mom had to have the house spotless and we were never allowed in the living room, etc etc.. so much to go over.
Now, he says that all that fear I kept inside could cause my anxiety... but who knows...
I am like you, I am trying to accept it, not be so afraid of the physical symptoms and a benzo now and then.

You say, "However, this anxiety,,,I have tried every option under the sun, you name it, I've tried it and the only thing that works is acceptance and an occasional benzo.:

Maybe the anxiety comes from inheritance, and you're fighting something that's in your genes. I only realized I was bipolar when I met someone who knew my uncle, my maternal grandmother's son, and he said, "He was bipolar, and you probably are too." That said it all. I wasn't bad. I wasn't weak. I wasn't stupid. I was sick, and they had medicine for that.

Maybe your father had anxiety, also, maybe you could ask a relative about that.

There's, also, a difference between your father being OCD and your feeling sorry for yourself. My mother was sexually abused and she sexually abused her children, and tried to keep me a baby because her emotional growth had stopped at 5 when the trauma occurred. I use to feel sorry for myself because of that, until that lady, that angel, who knew full well what was going on, stopped me by saying--just after my latest of many Pity Parties--with a look of sincerity, not aggression, "Oh, you were having a Pity Party. We've all done that."

She said that in an adult voice, as in "Follow me into adulthood. We've all had pity parties. There is nothing shameful about that."

You say, "By telling me I'm having a pity party for feeling what I feel sounds more like shame than help." You have to catch the fine nuance of that woman's voice, of that certain look in her eye, of the words she spoke to catch the full meaning of what she was saying and what I am trying to convey to you. I cannot duplicate how she said that.

With her kind voice and true words, she got behind my defenses. I allowed her into my psychic, partly because she was a woman and I laid down for her. I'm a man. I cannot duplicate that. You're going to have to figure this out without her help, only with cold words written on a computer.

And by shaming you for having a Pity Party, I was trying to shame you, as that woman part-shamed me in front of the group. But the look in her eye told me, "I'm not trying to hurt you. I' m trying to help you, by saying, "I've had pity parties, too.'"

As with the woman, I'm also complimenting you, saying, "You can do this. I did this, you can do. You're as strong as I am. You can take a body blow, survive it and see the benefit of it. You can put down your feelings of worry about your inner child, and go out and stop this cycle of abuse by helping a real child who has had more trouble than you can ever dream of. Which as an adult is your new role in life."

I appreciate the help here, thanks