Bad thoughts

WRAS,

I am so sorry. I have lost a loved one (my father when I was a teenager) but I know that I don't understand the level of grief that you are going through now.

I said before in another of your posts that a parent should not have to live through surviving their child. It is just not the natural order of things...so I can't imagine how you are feeling right now.

I hope that you can find a grief group (if it is your desire), so that you can talk to others sharing similar heartache. When you are ready, this might bring you some measure of comfort.

We are here for you, and know that while we can't write anything that will lessen your grief...we are listening and we care about you.

(((Hugging you from across the miles)))

S.C.

Thanks SC and HT
I have been going to group counseling for parents grandparents and siblings but it’s not enough
Sometimes their stories make me more sad
I don’t talk a lot so not to monopolize but others do
Have a call into s private counselor
Hope he’ll be good

Dear Weary,

I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your son. I've lost family members and friends - a lot - but grief still blindsides me when someone I know dies.

I wonder if you had a funeral or memorial service for your son. This is just my opinion, but I think funerals - though difficult - allow us to grieve in the presence of loved ones, and makes us feel we are sharing in something so we won't feel so alone.

I, too, have been puzzled by why I don't dream of my lost loved one, but those dreams do come eventually. In the Native American tradition, when you dream that your loved one is healthy again, that means he has gone to a good place and is happy.

As others have said, please keep posting. I think it's so helpful.

Love, Rich

Have you given up on looking into what happened?

Thank you all for your kind words and prayers,
To answer some questions
Rich- we didn't have a funeral but we did have a repass and many, many people attended. People showed up who haven't been it our lives since we were teenagers and traveled hundreds of miles to do so. It was very touching to find so many people cared. His friends expressed what a good friend he was and how he had helped them. However no one reaches out anymore and we are alone in our grief.
TimTam-I finally got up the guts to call the PD to ask for the police report. The woman who answered the phone said all I had to do was send a check for $15 and a written request. Puzzling since the chief of PD was so nasty and adamant several days after his death that I was not allowed to have the report-that he could read it to me over the phone or I could make an appointment to come in and read it but I would never have it.
I mailed the request Tuesday- so far no report.
The first responder reached out by text last weekend to ask how we're doing.
Problems Problems- don't feel guilty. One of my sons went to a College that was 7 hrs. away and I did nothing but cry. The morning we had to leave him there we had breakfast together in a restaurant and the tears were just a steady stream running down my face. I couldn't control them. I wasn't sobbing or anything, just my eyes flowing. The waitress was kind and that made me cry more. My son had such a look of concern on his face-
I cried all the way home. I cried every day. He came home for Thanksgiving and then it started all over again when he left. I have always had a need to have my children close. In the past it was so comforting to go to bed at night and glance up the stairs knowing my three little ducks were all in a row. Safe and sound in bed.
So this loss-it's that same feeling that my other son is too far away now and my eyes cry buckets with my longing for him to be near. But it's worse because he will never be back, There is someone missing in our family-the dynamic is gone. When we gather it's strange. I've had a lot of loss in my life. I'm the only living member of my own family and I grieved them but this is so much more intense. I mean I grew him in my body-he was a part of me-it's like an amputation- part of me has died as well.
Well I think that's it for now- it feels good to get that all out. So glad I have a place to come to where I can express my feelings.

Thanks much Karen

Sooooo
I got voicemail for the counselor I contacted and he didn't return my call. It's been a week.
I requested the police report over the phone last Tuesday. Woman said send in a written request and a check for $15 like it was no problem. So I did and the chief wrote me back saying unfortunately due to the criminal history information act he is unable to do so and returned my check. First of all my son is not a criminal. Second he must think he's dealing with a stupid person. I googled it and it does not appear to have anything to do with me obtaining a report. It's taking all I've got in me not to fire back at him but I think it's best I get a lawyer.

I would contact an attorney and talk to them about it. Something isn't right. It is like they are hiding something. But that could just be my suspicious mind. I been a little paranoid lately.

I hope you get some answers Weary...

Hugs, Karen...

You can look that up on your computer when you get home from work or on weekends.

If you know an attorney, you can contact them by computer.

If you don't know an attorney, you can type in: "Lawyer for my hometown" onto the search engine of the opening web page.

You can write down the ones who work in the category you are interested in: wrongful death, might be a guess, or "cause of death" or something.

After getting a list of 4 or 5 attorneys, and writing down their address, phone number and email address, you can pick the top one you want and contact that person. You can choose a male or female attorney.

They will surely have an email address, and ask them if they handle your type of legal concern. If they do, maybe tell them the problem you are having with phone calls, and can you tell them the problem by email.

With cell phones, can you call them after 5 p.m. closing time? As for a visit, maybe after 5 p.m. closing or on a Saturday?

It’s 4 months today
I’ve been away from him too long 😭
I got some recommendations of lawyers today who practice the kind of law I need
Will research them and call one on Monday

I’m so sorry WRAS, I don’t think I have much I can add that would help but a do want to offer my support and asSC said, keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you can get some answers soon. Makes no sense to me why they would keep this info from next of kin.