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So lost, horrible month, don't know where I go from here

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Anxiety & Panic Disorders
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Posted 1/12/2020 12:20 AM (GMT 0)
So I didn't know where I should put this but I've always posted in here as I suffer from agoraphobia and have for almost 15 years now, so here it goes, 17 days ago I had a stroke, that stroke revealed some very bad things for me, I had a clogged carotid artery on the right side, had to have surgery, other clogged arteries and 5 clots in my system, one ocjed artery supplies circulation to my right arm I guess, they told me that ones not a big deal but to me it is as my BP is 25 points lower on that side than my left, not to mention my right arms always tired, also since my stroke I really don't have a will to keep going, I have nothing to live for it seems, always worried of another stroke, always mad at everything, very short tempered, Dr's say that's because I went through a trauma and my brain needs to reset, but I know deep down it's me wanting to give up, they say it wasn't a bad stroke and I'll fully recover but what about all the clots? What about me worrying 24/7, what about my mental health etc etc, I just don't know what to do anymore, do I go on fighting where I'll never win or do I give up? Well my brain return to normal after I get stronger or will I always have these dark thoughts? also I don't want to scare anyone, but if you're dormant/idle like I am without exercising, without getting out of the bed and moving around, you need to start as being dormant like I am 2
Was a contributing factor to why I threw a clot and had a stroke. You don't need to do full on exercises, but just be mobile even if it's jogging in place for 5 min a day.
Posted 1/12/2020 2:33 AM (GMT 0)
P0tluck I’m so very sorry that you are going through so much! Have you seen a mental health specialist? Are you on any medications for it?
I do believe the doctor is right that time will help but you may need more help to get there. That is a lot to be dealing with but it sounds like they’ve dealt with most of it. Maybe a second opinion would help in regard to the clot in the arm?
I had a Pulmonary embolism several years ago,( my mom was in the hospital so I was spending a lot of time sedentary sitting at her bed side) the clot lodged in my lung and caused problems along with a number of other major health emergencies all with in a short period of time. When the dust settled and I was able to reflect, it hit me very hard mentally. Some of the things that helped were therapy, meds, continuously making a purpose for myself, getting engaged with a hobby or distracting activity among other things and reminding myself as much as possible that those thoughts in my head are only thoughts, sometimes they are very misleading from reality and should be allowed to just pass while replacing them with some kind of activity for distraction.
Posted 1/12/2020 2:55 AM (GMT 0)
It's overwhelming the amount of stuff they piled on me in a short time frame, 5 clots one can't be treated it's old and not in a critical area meaning it won't harm me, Carotid endarterectomy surgery, stopped smoking, have to change my whole lifestyle which is fine but I have no one to teach me what I need to do, the hospital I went to was a teaching hospital, I literally had 15 doctors telling me things from 4 different specialities (neurology, cardiology, hematology, vascular surgery) so like 60 Dr's all contradicting each other, I do see a Dr for my agoraphobia , I do take klonopin for it, but I'm just in a really dark place in my life because now I have so many things I have to do/change, lifespan possibly shortened from stroke , so many Dr's appointments weekly for blood draws, checkups etc, I know my brain needs to heal which should help the thoughts but my goodness this is insane.

Post Edited (P0tluck) : 1/11/2020 8:08:41 PM (GMT-7)

Posted 1/12/2020 4:46 PM (GMT 0)
I totally get it! Between what my mother was going through hospitalized in the same hospital I ended up in at the same time with my own problems and trying to manage both of our care I felt like I saw every doctor that worked there. It was such a life changing time for me and prompted me to really rearrange how my life is structured but even know it’s an ongoing process.
Maybe you could ask one of your docs if there is a social worker or counselor that could help guide you?
Things that I found that helped me what getting a good planner with lots of space, writing everything down setting up some kind of schedule, using colored pens for different types of tasks, and making small flexible goals for each week and check in days to see how things were going. Drawing a diagram might help too. I saw a doctor recently online had a diagram of how to get moving forward with life/what worked for him. I’ll have to see if I can find it because it was a nice visualization. And off course we are all here to offer support as well!
Posted 1/12/2020 6:34 PM (GMT 0)
P0tluck, when a patient is at a teaching hospital it can be overwhelming with all of the various students being involved with medical care. I know they need experience, but when it causes anxiety to ramp up, it is bothersome. Listen to your actual dr that is in charge of your care & this is who to ask questions to. When you see the dr make a list of questions to ask the dr too.

Years ago my brother was in a car accident & was careflighted to a teaching hospital. He had a brain injury that required a level 3 trauma unit. The closest one was a teaching hospital. His wife had the option of allowing students to be a part of his care & she agreed to it. So many people in/out of his room. However, we identified who his drs were & this is who we dealt with directly.

I had a heart attack & had a blood clot hit my left lung. I was on blood thinners while in the hospital to dissolve the clot. Before being released they implanted a filter so that if I got anymore, hopefully the filter will catch it. I was scared at first, but decided I had to let the fear go.

Please listen to your dr about the stroke & what he said about the blood clots. If you were in danger your drs would tell you. It is very good news that the stroke was not a bad one. It's going to take some time & patience to get back to normal. Hang in there.

As the other member mentioned, check on getting a social worker involved. I would call the hospital & inquire about this. There may be a very good chance something like this is available for you. Yes, you do need to get out of bed & get some activity going every day. Even if it's walking around in your house. I don't know what the weather is like where you live, but just going outside & getting some fresh air is helpful in more ways than one.

Take care.
Posted 1/12/2020 8:14 PM (GMT 0)
Both of you make really good points, my family doctor is in charge of me for right now but I don't know who else, I have 2 different things I need care for, clots which is the blood Dr and the vascular surgeon, my family Dr is amazing but I'm still in the dark, I think the hematologist will be in charge once I see them, I called my psychiatrist yesterday but he said he can't advise me over the phone which is crazy, deep dark thoughts are what's really bothering me so I'll call the hospital after I finish writing this and see if there's anything they can do, appreciate the advice ty and I'm glad you both are okay and your families are well.
Posted 1/14/2020 1:56 AM (GMT 0)
I hope they are able to give you some good advice/help! Let us know how it goes!
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