Is my anxiety really as bad as some tell me?

I have been told by some friends that I should try to disability cause of anxiety and depression. In most cases I don't think it's that bad. But from time to time I question myself. I haven't had an actual job since around sept 2017. I walked out one morning after being told my job position will change and it was to something more stressful. I've told off bosses a few times. A day or two after I walked off I took a few generic Klonopins and drank a bunch of beer cussing people on Facebook. Ended having cops showing up and ended up in pysch ward for about 5 days.

Before that happened it was a year or two before I ended up at the hospital with them thinking heart attack. But later they said anxiety attack. After that I had started realizing these small attacks and thought about times before. Pretty sure I had them in my teens. I am 50 now and around 20 I had a small break where I took a bunch of my moms pills and ended up at the hospital to get my stomach pumps. In ICU for a few days over it.

Thinking back to times that I've had these issues I see either depression or anxiety. I was on depression meds for a little bit. Noticed a little difference but nothing really. Was given generic Kolonopin for me not being able to sleep at night cause my mind just wouldn't shut off. I've noticed at times reading a book I lose track of what I've read from here or there cause my mind thinks about had bad the day went or could go. I can still go out an socialize most times but a handful of times I just refuse to go do something with friends, would rather sit alone in my room. Friend says I have memory issues but can remember a lot of thing.

I do help a friend junk cars from time to time but I've blown up on him about stupid little things here and there. But he let's it go and is one of the ones that thinks I'll never be able to work a regular job anymore cause of my anxiety.

As friends push for me to check into disability I look at the info for it but not sure I fall into that issue. I had a few times I could have probably got a job and just either never showed up cause I forgot they told me when to be there. I don't like to be lazy but it's hard to get going. And I did notice when I had full time jobs I felt sick a lot of times when I get up and get ready for work. Called in sick a bunch cause of it but end up feeling a lot better after laying back into bed a little bit. Wondering if that was anxiety that made me feel sick.

And now explaining this I feel like I wrote way to much to explain or not explained it right.

So I got to wonder if I'm as bad as some say and just go do paper work and see or just keep trying to push myself to get another job and risk anxiety issues ruin that to. Friend told me if I moved from Illinois to Alabama he could get me a job but I worry I'll let him down and mess that job up.

Help me please understand what I should do

HT is right, you need to see a medical dr to get a proper diagnosis. Disability under Social Security has specific criteria that has to be met. You need current medical records with a diagnosis & a dr that states you are disabled from working any type of employment. While you have had some treatment in the past, they will not consider those medical records.

Take care.

Maybe talk with an attorney who specializes in social security disability claims. S/he can probably tell you what is necessary in order to succeed and whether you’re likely to qualify.