So scared, how can feeling this awful mentally be normal?

From about lunch time today I noticed the anxiety building, though it seemed to die down as I walked the dogs.
I got home and went to rest for a couple of minutes when full on anxiety hit, that was about 5.30pm. I tried breathing and positive thoughts but it was like I was pinned to the lounge so scared and freaking out really believing this is it I'm going to lose it. Afterall how can feeling this awful mentally be normal. I then started crying and didn't stop for over a hour so I finally got some valium which barely helped. I ended up eventually ringing our mental health crisis team and he seemed to feel that I was in a massive anxiety swirl atm and it was so overwhelming I couldn't get out. He told me to take the valium to a full dose and ring my pdoc.
I still have my pdocs mobile and haven't seen her since she got me to cold turkey, I'm also waiting for a place in therapy so am feeling really scared and alone. My pdoc didn't want me to increase my avanza but to start taking valium 3 to 4 times a day at a regular dosage till I see her. (I'm still waiting to get an appoinment as she's fully booked out).
I took my avanza 1 hour ago and normally I'd be starting to unwind instead I can feel the panic/ anxiety starting to build up again. I just hate being like this it's 10.30pm now when will this stop?
My pdoc said to take some more valium at bedtime but I'm concerned at doing this with the avanza, how much can our minds take before we really do lose it?

*BIG HUGS* hope things work out for you hang in there and keep us posted.

Hi there there is a med caled Trazadone and what it does is stops your mind from hving the "dand stinking thinking " goin thru it all night whilst trying to sleep "
Non addictive and non narcotic
I take this when I know I am going to have a bad night and for me it does work better than a valium during these times for sure
It works on the chemicals in our brains that wont let our mind shut off.........thus for me with a half hour to 45 minutes I can actually lay i bed and doze off w/o a problem
No hangover feeling and wake up really refreshed for me at least
Sorry you are dealing with this
Maybe a though AA........
Take care
Lyn

Aussie,
I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this...!!! I can relate so very well to what you're saying! The anxiety comes on so strong that you feel like you are going to totally and completely freak out! When I get like that, I literally want to bang my head hard on the floor, over and over, til I am "dead". Of course, I don't...once, my mom walked in while I was freaking out and caught me slapping myself in the face with as much force as I could. I was doing it over and over. She screamed at me to stop it or she'd have me committed. She then made me promise not to do it anymore...that includes headbashing, so no "release" there....
You just keep up the valium to the degree that your pdoc will let you. You can't let yourself start worrying about "when I have to wean off"....please try to take it one day at a time. We luv ya and you are in our thoughts!
janet

Well what a horrible weekend I've had.

Starting with Friday night and the overwhelming anxiety, I spoke to the crisis team and then my pdoc (who I honestly don't think remembers my case).

Saturday I was on valium 2.5mg 4 hourly and it was only taking the edge off the anxiety, today i was on 5mg per 4 hourly valium and was still a mess. The endless self talk about how I'm crasy I'm alone I'm sick I'm stupid etc.

It makes me upset for 2 reasons, the first obviously feeling like I'm losing it the second being I was trying to hide the tears and spinouts from the kids.
When my oldest was only 3yrs old and I had PND as soon as the tears started she'd be "It's time to take mummy to hospital again". My kids shouldn't have to deal with it, I shouldn't have to deal with it.
I'm so angry now, I thought I'd found a good doctor who was going to help me yet I haven't seen her in a month with no appointment still available and all she's put me through. Maybe she doesn't consider it a big deal stopping a med at 200mg daily after well over 6 years and leaving the person to cope alone but I sure do. Obviously the new med isn't working whether it needs to be upped to a higher level or whether it's just not working for me at all I don't know. That's what the doctors meant to be there for.

I'm going to ring in the morning and see if they'll have an appointment available if not I don't even want to think about my choices. Money talks and we don't have any so I guess if I have to go and pack a picnic lunch and camp at the local hospital until someone sees me I will.

I saw a few people I knew today and I couldn't do more then say hello as I knew if I stopped to chat I'd just burst out blubbering everywhere. There's still such a stigma attached and as we live in a realitively small community I'm not ready for the world to know yet.

Sorry for the rant, please just wish me well that I get someones attention and some help in the morning.

big hugs for you aussie, im sorry for all these bad things, but keep up some good thoughts, we are sending them to you ;) i hope tomorrow brings better things.
shell

That's great AA!
You have to tell us how it goes on Wednesday. Good luck!

Aussie,
You've certainly been thru the ringer...it sounds like your pdoc is falling down on the job...at least you're finally getting the attention you need and deserve!!! Please let us know how it all goes! I go to my new pdoc for the second visit on Thursday...I am nervy about it, but I WILL let him know EXACTLY how I'm feeling! I'm going to put it all down on paper and have him read it. These docs may know about our illnesses/disorders/conditions, etc., but WE ARE the ones going thru it and we know our bodies better than they do, despite all their fancy degrees! So you hang in there and you do what you have to do to get better. If they won't listen, make them!
luv,
jante

((((Aussie)))) Big hugs and sympathy.  I really hope this gets better for you.  I've taken Avanza/xanax and valium all at the same time and been ok.  I wouldn't be overly concerned.  take what you need (as pre-scribed) to get you through. Trust me, you're brain won't break (just crack a little maybe lol) Big hugs