Freaking out, can't get any answers, help, very scared....

I've been trying for two days to get in to see a psychiatrist. I called my insurance yesterday and they gave me three names. I called the one that was closest to my house, naturally. I'd put off calling the insurance until close to doctors office closing time, why, I don't know. I forgot about it until it was too late. So I call the doctor and leave a message, explaining what my situation was, who I'm insured throught and got a call this morning, they don't accept my insurance and the doctor isn't accepting new patients. So I try calling my insurance company again so that I can see if there is another one within the same area. Nope, only 2 are left and they are a 15-20 min drive from me. Ok, no choise so I call them. The girl who takes care of new patients and making appts for them went home way early today. I had to leave a message on her machine. Now it's friday night and I've still got no appt, no answers, no help, nothing. I'm freaking out. I can't breathe, I can barely see. I'm so agitated that I can't sit still. I could run a marathon with all of this energy. And yet at the same time, I'm exhausted and don't want to do anything. I'm bored. I'm really bored. Nothing I want to do, nothing sounds fun. I'd just keep obsessing about it all anyway. I'm in my jammies and typing to my friends. Please friends, help me. Give me some advise. How do I calm down and wait until Monday for some answers? Patience is *not* one of my virtues. And now that I've whipped myself up into this tizzy, I can't come back down. My mind is racing, my head is spinning. I keep thinking of all the things that are wrong in my life, yes, I'm pessamistic also, I'm the glass is half empty girl. What ever can go wrong will go wrong. I've talked to my parents. My Dad is always full of good advise. Tonight he couldn't get me calmed down. He usually can. I talked to my Mom, my sisters. Hubby is bowling. He needs a night to blow off some steam from his long work week. He deserves it. But part of me is mad that he's not here. I know that's wrong. He shouldn't be stuck here with a whirlwind. He really needs to go do things for himself and I honestly don't begrudge him that when I think about it logically. It's my illogical mind I worry about. I took triple the dosage last night of my sleeping pills just to try and get some sleep. I can't sleep no matter what I do. I'm up until 1 or 2 am and then back up at 8 or 9 am. That's not enough sleep. And I really am tired.Maybe that's part of my problem, I'm not sleeping right. I got the lecture from Dad about the triple dosing. I know, with my medical background, thst it's not good for you. I would tell anyone else the same thing and be worried about them if they did. It's not safe, it's not healthy. I'm just getting desperate.

I guess I'm done for now. You guys are my friends here, I honestly don't know what I'd do without your hugs, advise and support. You all listen so well here and I know it's because we all understand.

My baby birdie, Timmie, is squaking at me, need to go see what he's doing. I love him so very much. He's what keeps me sane when Louis is at work and I'm home from school. He's my baby, my child. I have no children, can't have children, and he fills so many voids in my life.

Sorry, I'm doing it again. I'll be done now!

Love you guys! 

Chelle,
If you get too bad, you can always call a crisis center and see what they recommend. Take a nice warm soaking bath and like Twiggy said, take deep even breaths. I just got home from helping mom clean offices and saw your post. I know exactly how hard it is to deal with extreme anxiety and depression! When your hubby gets home, let him hold you. I so hope that by the time you read this that you are feeling better!
(((((HUGS)))))!!!
janet

Hi Chelle,

You hang on in there hun -- (((Chelle))) -- I'm so sorry there are delays and complications, but you know what: it *will* pass. Weekends, ya know, they can go pretty quickly if you make sure you have lots to do!!

So I have thought of something *really* positive you could do. :) -- Start compiling a folder for information you find out about bipolar -- in case this *is* what you have. -- You can look at some websites and write up information or print it off -- and finding out some more stuff should help take the terror out of it (and it's really *not* a life-sentence!!). Maybe have sections in your folder for sources of help, books that might be worth reading, information on the criteria for different types of bp, information on depressions, information on manias, stuff to do with managing sleep and eating patterns, mood charts, and (very important) information on the *positive* points that come up about bp (the talent it is very often associated with).

Some websites that might help start you off might be:

This one -- check out the resources pages.

McMann's Depression and Bipolar Web: http://www.mcmanweb.com/

Bipolar.com: http://www.bipolar.com/

Web sites with mood charts: try a Google search -- or just have a look at this one -- http://www.healthyplace.com/communities/bipolar/mood_chart.asp

There are lists of interesting and informative pages on: http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.bipolar.html and http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/bipolardisorder.html and http://www.pendulum.org/

Internet Mental Health: http://www.mentalhealth.com/dis/p20-md02.html

I think you could really use this time helpfully as your own preparation for when you *do* get that appointment!!! :)

Love to you,

Rosie x

Hello seechell

 

Hun I'm so sorry this is hitting you so hard right now. Dr's and insurance is always a pain in the bum but what would we do with out them. Anytime you just need to talk to some one you will aslo find a lot of live support in chat so don't feel you have to go threw this alone. I'm happy to hear you have great support at home and it's very nice of you realizing hubby needs a night out. You hang in there and please keep us posted on how your doing.

Dear chelle, im glad you feel better this morning. Im sorry its so hard to find a good doc, especially on short notice, there are so many that wont take new patients......You have plenty of input, and as always, plenty of ppl here who do care, (and ya better listen to sis lyn, she will getcha when needed, shes da bomb ;) i hope you can get into a doc soon, and please keep posting. We luvs ya, and are happy you are here with us, we all need support. take care, and huge HUGS!!
shell

Hi Chelle,
You already got some great advice so I just want to say that you'll have one more person including you in their prayers tonight. Take care, try to stay focused and be well! (((Chelle)))