thats it ive lost it rant

okay this has gotten OUT of control.

i find myself worrying over the STUPIDEST things! just ten minutes ago, while rummaging through the sock drawer, i came across a blue pair. as i reached for them, i felt a really bad anxiety..that something bad would happen if i wore them! of course, im not completely nuts (yet) and thought "No thats just stupid. its just socks!" so i was about to put them on when i thought "maybe there is cause to worry.... what if something bad happens, and then for the rest of my life i will regret wearing the blue socks?"

so now im wearing the red socks.

err yeah this would be funny if it wasnt so terrifying. a part of me realizes its completely unrational, but the other part is just so SCARED of "what could happen if..."

SOCKS. im scared of SOCKS. but this has happened before... like for example i was playing a board game with my boyfriend and i felt the urgent need to like touch the dice two times each and keep my cards COMPLETELY straight etc etc or id get this really bad anxiety. if i messed up Id have to do it again and again until i got it "right"

ive gone off the deep end. i really want counceling or something because i cant handle anything...my PAs are not debilitating, but i feel like if i let this whatever to continue unchecked it could get that way. i dont wanna get that way.

parents are hesitant about contacting a doctor because im "fine". so for now, im on my own.

thanks for listening to this teen angst of mine. i honestly have nowhere else to share it.

I also thought of OCD, an antidepressant may help for it and the panic attacks

OCD is an anxiety condition and sometimes happens with panic attacks

Sounds a lot like OCD.  OCD can make you do things even as you tell yourself its stupid.  As kid I would freak if any of my food got mixed together, like my peas got in my potatoes.  As you get older it may get better or if it interfers with your life you may want to try some meds.  I always think of my OCD more of a quark then a problem.  One more thing I do that drives everyone nuts, if I'm going on a trip I'll check my ticket, map, program at least twice every hour, I can't help myself I just have to do it!