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Posted 2/26/2007 4:16 AM (GMT 0)
  Ever feel like other's are trying to hold you back?

 A few years ago I was going to the State's Vocational Retraining thing to be retrained in plumbing and heating, I passed all the testing for it and was ready to turn my life around and start anew as I felt like I had my anxiety under control at this point in time but in showing my past medical records I was then told that I needed to go though Psychotherapy for my anxiety

  Upon doing so I told him of my past history with my anxiety and what was going on now with it and how I felt about turning my life around and in his report back to the SVR it said that I was good to go with retraining after I had some CBT which I did do along with other Therpy and upon doing so I was then told by the State and the Therpist that I should apply for SSI Disabilty as they are not going to retrain me and would back me up 100% on my Disabilty. Dose's this sound more like a cop out on the State's part or what?

  Upon hearing this I then when't in a deep state of depression (like someone slapping you in the face) when you feel like your ready to move on with your life as I haven't had any p/t's in a few years at that time and even my other half seem's to do the samething of playing the poor poor pitafull me thing which I hate but in the past few weeks with her being gone my anxiety is back in check and I haven't needed my valium at all, (not trying to put the blame on her) but for some reason I feel more at peace with myself and again I feel the need to push this anxiety aside and move on with my life (after I get past this cold that HowLyncat gave me lol) but right now I'm feeling better alone and not depressed at all now dont get me wrong as I have been thinking about this for sometime now more so then when I would leave to go camping or hunting for weeks at a time and come back only to have my anxiety hit me again. I guess I'm just wondering if I'm overreacting to this or I'm being held back from the life that I loved doing in the past

  Cowboy up

Posted 2/26/2007 11:34 AM (GMT 0)
Hugs freezing...Yes some people do try and hold us back possibly cause they do not understand. Other times I think its simply us holding our self back...*glimpse of self realization*
Posted 2/26/2007 6:37 PM (GMT 0)
OH man have you got the same thing going on and stay outta my head
I had to have Howie move out I felt I was in constant anxiety and panic I felt alone sitting next to him on couch I have told lil one all this she saw very little of him while here him and I were not made to be partners but friends ......... yes
Bedroom was a warzone come bedtime I would turn one way him the other '
The " i love you's were hollow and w/o meaning " just words
I have found being alone I am doing alot better yes I have been sic but I too feel relieved I dont need to live up to his expectations and the "LOOKS" or rolling of the eyes when I was sick AGAIN ya know
I hear ya my friend sometimes it is better at least for me to go it alone
I have u guys anyways
I DID NOT GIVE THIS TOO YOU
Lil one did
Cowgirl out .......and hiding from my lil one lol
Posted 2/26/2007 7:35 PM (GMT 0)

  I like that Lyn NOW lil one gave me this cold EH, passing the blame now are we lol

  Cowboy up

Posted 2/26/2007 7:54 PM (GMT 0)
nono  WHO me

Couldnt be

 

Who put the cookies in the cookie jar was it you ? WHO me? Couldnt Be

OK

I am sloughing the blame but I didnt mean to give it to you really I didnt it hurts and makes you grumpy all over specially when you slide on keister like your going into home plate with runners behind ya Cait was laughing her butt of at this here 53 yr old trying to be a kid .....

I had a blast though with her and dont regret the body aches lol or bruises all over

Nice hot cuppa tea and Dr Phil will fix me up

Stay healthy please and quit playing with the dang mooses

You stay in that there bear cloth and keep warm take meds and lotsa fluids please

We dont want ya too sick

miss ya

Luv ya friend yeah

Cowgirl is UPPPP

Posted 2/27/2007 11:00 PM (GMT 0)
Never thought of it from that angle before... I usually feel too MUCH is expected of me. But I imagine the opposite would feed the anxiety just as much.

I think you should start your own hunting/fishing guide business - seems like you'd be excellent at it and would have fun too!! Plus be able to "get away" and possibly change some opinions at the same time. Maybe those around you have fallen into a "rut" also??

Good luck,
Karen
Posted 2/28/2007 12:12 AM (GMT 0)
I think that is sound input Karen I know Howie did fall into a rut he wasnt happy nor was I I was/am 20 yrs his senior and I was alwasy to sick twards the end I felt I was holding him back just as much as he was causing me to feel smothered and panicky all the time
LOVE can hurt you just as much as help some times
A fishing/ hunting guide thing would be the BEST thing for you friend it is YOUR passion you light up on yer posts when talking about it and I do hope you find your way soon like I did it is easier as time goes by
Got that email fixed YET
Luvs ya Friend and worry bout ya too
Cowgirl UP but barely that sobriety post haunted me and dug up some horrid memories but I am gald I did it I had to get it out and who better too then to those that know me and support me thru EVERYTHING
Luvs
LYN........yer Cowgirl will ride again..........
Posted 2/28/2007 7:26 AM (GMT 0)

  You know I have looked into this guiding thing in the past for both hunting and fishing but the way's the laws are here just for guiding hunters you need to be under a reg. guide for so miny years before you can go it alone and at my age and problems I can't do that kind of work of packing 100 to 150 pds at a time for miles just to get to base camp and then go back for more meat and even if I could do it on my own I would need a plane to do so as most places are in the remort parts of Alaska and having diabetes I had my wings pulled from me and had to sell my plane because of it so that pretty much out for me.

  Even fishing has so miny regulations for guides and thats just the frist part as the cost of fishing in the inlet one needs a boat that can handly the sea's here so your looking at a boat at lease 26 feet long or more and at a cost of 75,000 on up to 150,000+ and you still need to get a 6 pack license and pay 2,000 a year for the permit. Even the rivers here they are trying to put a hold on how miny guides that can guide on the rivers here.

  But yes I do feel like I'm in a rut right now but if I do move to the lower 48 there are place's that the law dose allow farmer's to pay for sharpshooters to kill deer from eating there crops and pay's up to 300 a day but my wife is not willing to move from here so yes I'm stuck in a rut.

  Cowboy up 

Posted 2/28/2007 8:16 AM (GMT 0)

I love my husband to pieces - don't get me wrong..but sometimes when he heads off on his motorbike for a few days I almost have a celebration of my own...just me and the cat at home...bliss lol..I do miss the company but - I find I can think straight on my own..I am a lot more focused..for me it's like a personal space thing I think..a bit like you going off hunting etc. When he does come home I Am glad to see him..it takes a couple of days for him to fit into my space again and then all is well..until next time when he heads off into the sunset for a few days (sigh)

Maree

Posted 2/28/2007 10:43 AM (GMT 0)
I so understand sis I really do
Luvs ya
Posted 2/28/2007 2:04 PM (GMT 0)
I think time away from your partner is needed for everyone - even those not as sensitive to stress as us. My time is at night after everyone is in bed - I can think just of ME for a couple of hours! Very therapeutic....

Dave, sorry the guide thing isnt an option. But would YOU be happy leaving AK? From your posts I wouldnt have thought so. Of course, there are places down here nearly as wild and untouched...

Karen
Posted 2/28/2007 4:33 PM (GMT 0)

  I don't think I could leave Alaska for good but more then anything just leave during the winter month's and come back for the summers and live in the river cabin that way I can still do my hunting and fishing here but with out the horses I'm not to sure about the hunting part sad but like I said my wife want's nothing to do with the lower 48

  Cowboy up

Posted 2/28/2007 10:09 PM (GMT 0)
You have to be Happy my friend
I have learnt that the hard way
I love Howie to Pieces but I cannot pretend I am happy and /or not stressed out I did that with Caits dad and I will not do it again'He was a darn good provider and hubby and father to Cait
She does miss him and told LIl one she didnt want us apart I believe or something along those lines

Karen I absolutely Agree
Well said sis
Luvs to both
Cowgirl UPPPPPP
Posted 3/1/2007 1:01 AM (GMT 0)

  Kind of odd right now, my wife just called me up and reminded me that she will be home on friday and I can allready feel my anxiety coming back I guess having a month off did do some good for me for it's not like I don't love her but more that we are on diffent levels in are lives and somehow this too must past one way or the other as the long dark winters are really getting to me but at lease I do know that spring is coming as the day's are warming up and we are getting more day light and then in June I will be saying when is that blakety blak Sun is going down LOL just got to love the land of the midnight sun.

  Cowboy up

Posted 3/1/2007 1:27 AM (GMT 0)
I wish I could say something to make you feel better my friend all I can say is ya better have room come JULY
LIL one came here this yr and I know I am coming to Alaska
Hades or High water........
Hope the wife will understand we are friends
Luvs ya Cowboy Up

Cowgirl Coming to Alaska.......Take that to the bank
Posted 3/1/2007 6:00 AM (GMT 0)

  Now don't go jumping the gun just yet Lyn I still got to talk it over with the wife and with Lorrane on this as part of us getting the river cabin the agreement was that she gets frist use of the cabin for as long as she is alive, but at this time in her life she has to deal with her hubby that had a stroke 5 years ago and they are both in there late 70's and have not used the cabin in 3 years now but I will let you know k as it dose sound like a lot of fun showing off Alaska to you.

  Cowboy up

Posted 3/1/2007 1:20 PM (GMT 0)
 Dont they have motels there anywhere in Alaska tongue

I would never dream of imposing on you or wife hun I was joking about staying at your place trying to get you to chuckle lol nono

How about  cabins you can rent
have no idea where in Alaska I want to go but I just want to see it sounds so peaceful and beautiful
maybe you have some good ideas for me on places to visit ......
No worries no gun jumping here
Lyn

yeah

Posted 3/1/2007 7:38 PM (GMT 0)

  Lyn

  At this point in time I don't see any problems with the river cabin I just got to make sure that all is a go and you would not be imposing on us as there is plenty of room there tongue and lots to do just give me sometime to make sure k as for going the motel way you would be looking at 100 dollars + per night as they try to get all the money that they can in the summers here as you would be are guess.

  Cowboy up

Posted 3/1/2007 7:53 PM (GMT 0)
Cowboy Up
I dont mind paying that as long as I get to see this beautiful place,like I said not exactly sure where in Alaska we are going to get to lol but I just know its where I want to go
I am just already putting money aside for a cabin or motel lol
So thats not a problem hun
Thanks
Luvs ya friend
Cowgirl Up
Posted 3/2/2007 1:44 AM (GMT 0)
How about you all come over to New Zealand hehe...it's a wonderful place to come and stay..you would love it I am sure!

Maree
Posted 3/2/2007 11:40 AM (GMT 0)
I would love to but me have no idea where it is lol
Flunked Geography lol
Take care sis and thanks for the chuckles in the morn
Luvs ya
Sis
Posted 3/2/2007 11:51 AM (GMT 0)
it appears from the map i just looked up that it is out toward Australia...Some of the pics I found of it look beautiful according to thier travel page its atleast a 13 hour flight outside of California USA
Posted 3/4/2007 2:35 PM (GMT 0)
THanks LIL one
MOm
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