conflict between the 2 types of sufferers

the general feeling in the panic disorder and agoraphobia self help community is that there are basicly 2 types of sufferers, those who want to get better and those who dont. I agree with this after many years of experience and talking with hundreds of panic attack/ agoraphobia sufferers, some for periods of 15 years

this means there will always be the problem of offending those who dont want to get better when challenging or encouraging those who do or might want to get better.

to those who are offended by my posts, I appologise, but we are here on earth only the 1 time......

an often made suggestion is to have 2 boards, one for those wanting to recover and another for those looking for sympathy and a more easier lifestyle that doesnt include recovery.those controlling this board might consider this

some reasons for not wanting to recover are:

whole life , work, partner and friends have been shaped by avoidance of panicky situations

had it so long that recovery would mean a loss of my personality, who would I become?

loss of financial security, pension, disability and the perhaps need to go out and work

family may only be staying with me out of sympathy and if I recover they may leave

the agoraphobia is wrapped around the sufferer like a cloak that protects from a world that can be cruel and harsh

the panicky feeling in body and mind can be enjoyable and addictive, the adrenalin rush is identical to that got by people who parachute jump, bungee jump, ski downhill very fast, drive cars dangerously fast, white water rafting etc
ordinary people have to pay lots of money but the panic attack sufferer gets it all for free and maybe doesnt even have to leave home

all the above is part of the overall agoraphobia experience or scene and most health professionals dont know it because those who dont want to get better often never seek medical help, or dont mention their agoraphobia when seeing their doctors

So again I apologise to those I offend, but as long as all sufferers are on the one board, its going to happen.

one sufferer became a friend of mine and I agressively challenged her to make an effort to get better, she had all the meds and several self help books which she had memorised. deeply offended, she saw several psychologists until eventually one told her that my version of agoraphobia could be recovered from but hers couldnt

our friendship then resumed

Ive seen many completely recover, including those who had been housebound for years, these people put it all behind them and usually move to a new area to start a new life, they dont visit boards like this one

Ive also recovered, after having it severely for 20 years and never getting an accurate diagnosis or helpful advice, I usually got schizophrenia meds which of course mad it worse. By posting on boards I am unusual

I don't have any opinions or anything to say.  But as usual, Harry, that was an interesting read.  Keep posting.

Harry........
I dont believe that we can or need to separate these into catergories at all
Yes you have made it with alot of hard work and now ppl are also trying to accomplish the same thing that is why the support is needed and given as it is
Normally I do agree with you but I cannot on this we cannot judge someone else condition just by a few or couple of posts
Tk care
LYN

Hi All,
I do not "enjoy" anxiety at all! I get no RUSH from it. Actually it has made me think about that "forbidden" topic very seriously at times. But to be totally and completely honest, I suppose that although I'm not an agoraphobic (got close once), I did reach a point in life where I had to admit to myself that I did not want many those things that society tells us we're supposed to want...the idea of being tied to a workplace for 8-10 hours a day makes me depressed. I guess that if I had not had the bad experience when I was 17, I might've felt quite differently about it, but I'm not 17 anymore either. I do work though, helping mom with her cleaning jobs at night, so I'm not a completely lazy failure. I do often feel ashamed for my feelings though.
If I could make a magical wish, I'd be "normal". I would not still live with mom, I'd be independent, married to a nice man, and maybe have children. But still, I'd want to be a stay-at-home mom. I believe the biggest fear in life I have is being afraid of my mom's disapproval. Ones here and therapists have chastised me for this. I've just never been able to screw up the courage to tell my mom to back off. I pay dearly for my cowardice and I know it!
I can't say that I'm in love with my small disability check. If my mom were to die, I'd have to sell our old car, because I'd never be able to keep it gassed up, maintained, and insured. I live in public housing. I have to accept whatever medical help that medicaid will pay for. If I were to have certain medical problems, I'd just have to die because they won't cover everything. So I may end up paying for my cowardice with my life someday.
My bro-in-law once had the gall to hint that I AM able to work, but I won't because I just want to draw the disability check!!! My GAWD! If what he believes were to be true, I've given up a career making good money (yes, I am pretty intelligent), given up a life partner, children, travel to interesting places, and so on, just so I can draw a $623 a month check. Our rent is $540 a month which I pay as part of our bills (mom's and mine). Yes, I'm really living high on the hog!
Don't misunderstand, I am truly grateful for the assistance i get thru the gov't. I have a roof, medical care, and food. I'm blessed in that way cuz so many hardworking people don't have insurance, while I have medicaid and could get food stamps if my mom were to pass away. But it would be existing more than living. To an extent, it's that way now.
Anyhow, part of me is aware that I hide behind my disability, but the other part of me honestly feels helpless, despite what so many think. I agree with a lot of what Harry says, not all, but mostly I do.
I don't agree with having seperate boards. Who's to judge you or me? I'm sorry, but I don't think anyone here should have that right.
HUGS to ALL!
janet

Keep fighting my friend
It will get you where you want to go
Believe me .....
Luvs ya
Lyn

i am agoraphobic. and for the past three months i have hated myself for not being able to go and do want i once could. you come across as mean sometimes. to say that people enjoy being miserable is harsh in my opinion. people want help and want to live. they're just too scare to get it sometimes. and thats where this board comes into play. we get the support we need. and are able to muster stength to go to the doctor and get help. find resources to get help. find friends here and get suport. i'm glad you recovered. but it wasnt over night. and you have to allow others their ups and downs with this disease. its hard and can be very strong. people want to be "normal" and be out living. i have not enjoyed being in my house like so hermit these past few months (which this is my second go round with agoraphobia) anytime i get out i know how important it is and i am happy about that. i dont want to be like this for the rest of my life. it is not enjoyable. people want help sometimes they just dont know where to go or how to go about getting it.

thank you kitt for your kindness and caring. you can hop on that soap box any old time you want to. you lift people up and brighten our days. we love you too. and you too lyn.

Thank you jersey, that was very sweet of you. I love this forum and I am beginning to get to know each of you. You all have my respect.
((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))

Lyn, Big Sis.
You never amaze to astound me with your kindness and I hope you know how all of us love you dearly.
tada!
Lil Sis