feeling like a loser

I've been feeling down the last few days, feeling left behind in the world and like a big loser.  I've been a stay-at-home mom for 17 years, for most of that time I felt fine with it because my daughter was little and needed her mom at home.  Now that she's almost 18, taking college classes for her senior year and just got a job, I feel like I don't have a place in this world.  I feel left out and left behind and like such a loser.  I haven't worked since my daughter was born, which is when my panic/anxiety started, and have become agoraphobic and haven't driven more than a couple of times in the last 12 years.  I just feel so worthless as now my 17 year old daughter will be out working while I'm still stuck at home.  Guess I'm feeling sorry for myself too.  I just wonder when my turn in life will come, you know...  Thanks all for letting me vent. 

Junebug,

You are not a loser, no way.  You are just going through the empty nest syndrome.  Your role has been a Mother for so long that now you need to figure out what next, but don't rush yourself.

Give yourself time to get use to your free time and maybe take a course through community education.

I had my first panic attack when my oldest went off to boot camp. I thought I was excited for him  and he was off to see the world. I forgot about me, and I crashed big time. I had let go of one of my ducklings and I was so sad.  I could not stop crying but I did not know why.

You have figured out why, your way ahead of where I was. Gentle Hugs. We are here to help you always. :)

 

Loser? No way!

Don't be so hard on yourself. Never be your own enemy! It's just a transition period. Anyway, raising kids is certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

Thanks for your replies.

Debaser, I know you are right and I shouldn't be beating myself up, just in a bad place temporarily.  I'm not at all ashamed of being a stay at home mom all these years, it's actually something I'm very proud of, it's just that I don't feel needed in that capacity anymore and feel sort of lost.  It's like everyone is moving forward in life and I'm standing still.  I know in time it will be better, it's just a tough spot right now.

Lyn, thank you so much for the kind words.  I've always known that this was coming, but never imagined it would affect me this way.  I'm dealing with the agoraphobia in hopes that I can go back to school at some point, I would love to be a therapist and help others with p/a, but until then I think I'll just have to deal with my feelings and try to stay busy.  I'm happy for you that you're going back to work, I hope that goes well!!!  Keep all of us updated on that!  And yes, we have a deal, I'll try not to be so hard on myself.

Thanks to all of you!

If your daughter is going to college and working than you are no way a loser. Being a parent and raising a decent and independent human beings is one of our greatest achievements in the world. Just think, you have raised a child that can go out into the world and take care of herself and that my dear does not make you a loser but a winner.

You are just a little lost at the moment and need to find a new direction to focus on. I know, I am the mother of a 16 year old daughter and little by little she is becoming more independent and one day, will be on her own. If you/I can succeed in having them be able to take care of themselves than will be my greatest accomplishment in life. Keep the faith you will find your way.

Thank you kitt for checking up on me, I am doing a bit better today.  I guess I just need to go through feeling crummy for a while, but I know it will pass.  I went through something similar when she started kindergarten and again when she went to jr. high and survived both of those.  This just seems like the beginning of really having to let her go and be on her own which will lead to her eventually leaving home for good. 

Dolores,  you are so right, and I hadn't thought of it that way.  I am proud of the job I've done, she's a great kid and I'm very lucky that we have a very close relationship which will last as Machelle said. 

I'm working on coming up with ideas to fill my time so I don't have too much to think.  I'm hoping to do a little writing again, I used to write alot, so would love to return to that.  I also think I'll go back to doing my crafts that I then sell on e-bay.  I put a few of my things in our garage sale last week and got really positive comments about them.  I enjoy doing crafty things, so that will probably be something I'll dig back up. 

I do have ideas, it's just that right now I think I need to get through the icky feelings, let them be and then let them go when I'm ready.  I'm thankful that I've been in therapy now for nine months and we've been dealing with this very issue, so I guess I'm ahead of the game there.  I know I'll be okay in time.

Thanks again to all of you for caring.  You've all made me feel much better and not so alone in this!