Feeling worse than ever

Okay, so here is the deal.

I have a lot going on in my life right now, which may be a contributing factor, but since I am on medication, I would think that my symptoms wouldn't be so bad!!

My mom's sister, who was only 57, and also my closest aunt (like my 2nd mom) suddenly passed away on October 31.  I took that very hard and am constantly thinking about her passing away.  She wasn't sick and was always active and doing everything and died suddenly of a heart attack!  I dealt with the funeral viewings and the funeral itself the best I could.  I wrote a poem that I read at the funeral home on the day of her service, made 2 huge collages of pictures of her throughout her life and also did a reading at the church service.

On top of my aunt passing away, we had sold our house prior to that and are closing on it on November 15.  We bought a new house but don't know when we will be closing on it yet so for the meantime, me, my husband, and my 2 kids (ages 6 and 7 months) are staying at my parents house.

I know these are big stress factors and with us people who suffer with anxiety, I think these things hit us the hardest.  I for one personally HATE change.

Okay, so I am on 60 mg of Cymbalta, and .5 mg Xanax 2x/day...the Cymbalta doesn't seem to be helping with my depression (and I have been on the Cymbalta for at least 5 weeks now - switched to it from Effexor XR), and from what I understand, it is stronger than the Effexor XR even at this dose?  The Xanax doesn't even calm me down anymore...I still shake and have panic attacks.  I am extremely tired all the time and don't want to do anything at all.  I take care of my kids but that is about all I feel like doing.  And when my baby naps, all I want to do is sleep too because I don't feel like doing anything else like cleaning, or doing laundry, etc...you know, the everyday household chores.  My mind is constantly racing and I feel like I did when I started having panic attacks over 10 years ago.  Why is it that when we feel good, we forget how bad the panic attacks and depression really are!?

I apologize for the post being so long, but I just wanted to be thorough so if you are still reading, thank you - and what do you think I should do?  Call my Dr. and see if he can get me in or let it run its course?  I feel like such a hypochondriac anymore!

I am so glad you guys are here on this forum, I would be lost without you!!!!

Love to you all!

Sylk

OH I feel so bad for you because I know EXACTLY what you're going through.  I've been there many times in my life and am presently going through a terrible bout of anxiety/depression that came out of nowhere a couple of weeks ago - and I didn't have anything stressful that was prompting it!  I get those terrible racing thoughts, panicky/shaking feeling and you're absolutely right - when you aren't going through it you can't imagine what it's like to feel like this (thank God I guess) until it hits again - and you're right back where you started from.  It's soooo frustrating.  I take .5mg Xanax too when things get real bad and I haven't found that the Celexa or Lexapro that I was on helped at all - well maybe "slightly" in that I didn't cry quite as easily anymore....but that's about it.  So when I'm really hurting badly with anxiety I take my Xanax (which helps a little) and just pray for it to go away.  We all know it DOES go away eventually - and you certainly have a justifiable reason for feeling anxious - it's just waiting through that time until brighter, clearer days arrive.  And they will - keep the faith.  We'll all be thinking of you. 

Tammy, andwes & Kitt,

Thank you so much for all of your encouraging words.  It is definitely a confusing, frustrating and hectic time for me!  I feel like I am going to fall apart, but knowing that I can come here and have friends like all of you to give me support and help me through the tough times helps so much!!

I called my Doc and he can't get me in until next Tuesday!  Ugh!  I guess I have to deal with it and try to be strong...easier said than done when we feel like this though.

Kitt, you are always in my prayers with all that you have had happen recently too, first with Dee now with your sister!  You are a strong woman!  I envy you.  (((Hugs))) Wanted to give you a hug back!

Tammy, I know you are going to be starting Effexor and I liked it a lot.  It helped me tremendously for almost 4 years.  Just wanted to give you some positive feedback on that med.

And andwes, I haven't had the chance to meet you yet, but thank you again for replying, and sharing with me.  I will get to know you, I am sure.  You hang in there too.

Thanks again my friends!

Sylk