Martyn, you have been through a lot, and I am truly sorry for the way it has been. I can tell you are a good, honest, and caring person who deserves better. The problem is no one can make it happen...
Mouse, there are three elements to emotion, first is your physiology, second is your mental language, and third is what you are focused on. Change any one of these and you will change how you feel....
Londondude, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'd be glad to help you. Hang in there....